1. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

4. Two Words: Chicken Suit

5. Write the words, "Help Me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

8. Stop at green lights.

9. Go at red ones.

10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal /troll doll/ Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

11. Eat food that requires silverware.

12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

13. Sing without the radio on.

14. Honk frequently without motivation.

15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

16. Ask people for Grey Poupon.

17. Let pedestrians know who’s boss.

18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

19. Restart your car at every stop light.

20. Hang numerous car-refresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.

22. While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.

23. Paint your car with occult symbols.

24. Keep at least five cats in the car.’

25. Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.

26. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.

27. Stop and collect roadkill.

28. Stop and pray to roadkill.

29. Tint your windows with a black magic marker.

30. When at a stop light with another car next to you, signal you want to race. Then right as the light turns green SLAM your car into reverse and speed off.

31. Go to a car show with a rusted up Volkswagen Beetle, (or other crap-ass old broken down car will do) put the hood up and so people can see how bad your engine is. Try to act as cooool as possible.

32. Throw Spam.

33. Get in the fast lane and gradually slow down to a stop.Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.