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- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
- Don't cut your hair. Ever.
- Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with
it.
- Get rid of your cat.
- Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument.
- Anything you wear is fine. Really.
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither
do we.
- You have too many shoes.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask
us.
- Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.
- Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
- Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing
from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
- Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See
a doctor.
- Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
- Sunday = Sports
- If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and
one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can
we know how pretty you are?
- Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come
out.
- You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how
you want it done - not both.
- Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose
their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
- You have enough clothes.
- Nothing says "I love you" like sex.
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