|
10. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
9. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place
them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the
aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
8. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like
this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
7. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
6. Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate
hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under
the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
5. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
4. Sneak up behind some engrossed in their work screaming, "DISK FIGHT!!!"
and bop them on the head with a disk.
3. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
2. Get a pair of 3-d glasses. Wobble around while walking and keep yelling,
"Whoa, that looked so real!"
1. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop
and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
Top 12 Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to
know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica
is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems.
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, Ask them to spell their
name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is
Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (Few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice)
what are you wearing?"
5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!!
Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as
she tries to figure out where on earth she could know you from.
6. Say, "No", repeatedly. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep
an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends
plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about
goat blood or HUMAN blood.
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary
feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them
to marry you.
10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer:
"This is Bill from Mantermills." You: "Mantermills!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh,
Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against
selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the
receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Say to the Telemarketer, "Sorry, I can't talk right now but if you'd
just give me your home phone number I'll call you when I'm not as busy. When they say in a flustered way that they can't give
out their home number say, "Oh, I see...you don't want strangers calling you at your home! Now you know how I feel."
Top 20 Church Bulletin Mistakes
20. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies
will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in
19. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of
the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
18. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the
church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
17. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
16. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving
milk will please come early.
15. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.
14. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
13. bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
12. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
10. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir
will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
9. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing
a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
8. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
7. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev.
Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging
of the Greens.
6. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.
5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
4. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
3. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me
in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
1. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can
be seen in the church basement Saturday.
|
