Song Girl
Home
Sign My Guestbook!!!
All About Me
Cowboy's Guide to Life
Comedian's Best Lines
Piss Off a Cop
Women's Stages of Life
Messing With Their Heads
Revised 60s Songs
Lessons From Mother
Kids Talk About Mom
Women's Instruction Book
Secrets For A Happy Marriage
Men Fight Back
Funny Definitions
Quick Driver Identification
Letters To Welfare Departments
Insurance Claims
Mothers of Famous People
Top 35 Oxymorons
Romantic/Not Romantic
Virtual Bubblewrap
Be Annoying in Elevator
Annoying in Computer Lab
Annoying at the Beach
Annoying at Amusement Park
Annoy Your Professors
Woman and Genie
Advice For Scary Situations
Fun With Trick-or-Treaters
Too Old for Trick-or-Treating
Livejournal Addict
From Alabama
Good Humor- Bad Adds
Incredibly Idiotic People
English Subtitles
Help Through Crisis
Darwin Awards
Good Looks and Brains Too?
Philosophy Time
Benefits of Growing Older
Don't Say to Pregnant Women
Things People Say...
Randomness
More Randomness
Fun to Do at Pools
Not To Say To GF's Parents
Shortest Books
How Cold Is It?
Government Problems
You're Stressed When...
Cards Not In Hallmark
Life's Annoyances
Make Life Simpler Tips
One-Liners
Never Say During A Fight
Learn Chinese Fast
Things To Do In A Car
Bad Country Songs
Hospital Charts
Learned From Bad 80's Movies
Before and After Marriage
To Excersise or Not to Excersise
Actual Statements From Insurance Claims
Reasons Its Good To Be Male
Rules Guys Wished Girls Knew
Lessons On Life
The Wisdom of Youth
Well, How Do I Look?
Bad to Say at Funerals
Things to do During an Exam
Things Learned From Children
Good to be an American
Advice to be Passed to Your Daughters
Boys and Girls
Ways to Cope with Stress
Things My Mother Taught Me
12 Things About You
Life As An American
State Mottos
Only In America...
The Lamb
The Senator
Reasons Eve Was Created
Things To Ponder Over
Top Ten Things Men Know About Women
Top 20 Women Tshirt Slogans
Signs That Your Amish Teenager Is In Trouble
Annoying Things to Do While Ordering a Pizza
Ways to Annoy Your Waiter
23 Essential Truths
Top 13 Things PMS Stands For
How Smart Are You?
The Difference Between Men and Women
The Donut Master
Letter From the Father
Women Vs. Men
Letter from God
7 Laughs
The New Footprints
My Poems
Christian Email Forwards
Awesome Poem
The Monkey
Funny T-shirts
Funny Signs
Ever Wonder...
How To Be Annoying
Stupid Labels
Phone Songs
Dumb Alabama Laws
Cool Quotes
More Quotes
Even More Quotes
Top 10 lists
Deep Thoughts
The Difference Between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ......

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh, I feel so......''

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

''Yes,'' he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

'What way?'' says Roger.

"That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''