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Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone
agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your pocket and say, "Oops, I forgot."
Ask the person next to you if they know how to
tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp,
etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
Borrow
someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard &
taking it.
Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
Bring
an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
Bring some
dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species
of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss
the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then
the computer assistant, and walk out.
Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of
top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic
beauty of cotton on plastic.
Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce
it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
Enter the lab, undress, and start staring
at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray
"Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
If you have long hair, take a typing break, look
for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
If you're sitting in a swivel chair,
spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
Keep looking at invisible bugs
and trying to swat them.
Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
Laugh
uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
Light
candles in a circle around your terminal before starting.
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face
and scream "NO!!! They've found me!" and bolt.
Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you
see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard.
Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word.
Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you
turn it on.
Play "Pong" for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
Point at the screen. Chant in a made up
language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!"
peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type
again.
Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its
all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain
that the lead doesn't work.
Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim
that it inspires you.
Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the
straw.
Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the
nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
Remove your disk
from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put
some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
Run into the computer lab, shout
"Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request.
Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they geta chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the
person next to you.
Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You
did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
Stare at the screen, grind your teeth,
stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow
up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
Start making out with the person at the
terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
Take the keyboard
and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working
conditions.
Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
Two
words: Tesla Coil.
Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
Type on VAX for a while.
Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
Use Interactive
Send to make passes at people you don't know.
When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old
ways are best.
When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn
on one of those.
When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to
work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
Work
normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
Write
a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
Yell "DISK
FIGHT!!!"
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