Plumber: 
"We repair what your husband fixed." 

Pizza shop slogan: 
"7 days without pizza makes one weak." 

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: 
"Invite us to your next blowout." 

Door of a plastic surgeons office: 
"Hello, can we pick your nose?" 

Sign at the psychic's hotline: 
"Don't call us, we'll call you." 

At a towing company: 
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." 

Billboard on the side of the road: 
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs." 

On an electricians truck: 
"Let us remove your shorts." 

In a nonsmoking area: 
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." 

On maternity room door: 
"Push, Push, Push." 

At an optometrists office 
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place." 

In a Podiatrist's office: 
"Time wounds all heels." 

On a Butchers window: 
"Let me meat your needs." 

On a fence: 
"Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive." 

At a car dealership: 
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." 

Outside a muffler shop: 
"No appointment necessary, we hear you coming." 

Outside a hotel: 
"Help! We need inn-experienced people." 

On a desk in a reception room: 
"We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left." 

In a veterinarians waiting room: 
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!" 

At the electric company: 
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be." 

On the door of a computer store: 
"Out for a quick byte." 

In a restaurant window: 
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up." 

Inside a bowling alley: 
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." 

In the front yard of a funeral home: 
"Drive carefully, we'll wait." 

In a counselors office: 
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.